December was great, not only did Nick and I have a lot of time together, the holidays offered a nice distraction. Not to mention the weather was awesome. Though every January in the past I became really depressed and thinking that this January was going to be even worse, I feared the month like crazy. But, January passed without any spell. Now fast-forward to April and the half-way point. I look back and think that I have wasted some valuable months in self-pity, but I also see valuable months ahead and I still have time to do what I originally wanted to do, be a better me.

We don’t know what the “last day” will be or our plans after that, but this has been a journey for both of us in very different ways. I don’t regret it at all. I know that I may not have been as strong as I thought, but I do know I’m getting stronger. And I really can’t say enough about my family and friends that have been there with love and support the entire time. And to my husband who not only is dealing with a new experience, new stresses and a new job, but was having to deal with his wife who was falling apart at the seams. He is the most patient, incredible and sometimes funny person I know. And if anything this experience is just cementing the fact we are a fucking amazing duo.

You are going to be a big sister. I know, I know, you are doing just fine in the spotlight, getting all the attention, all the love, but trust me, it’s going to be ok.

The parents are going to name him “Chad”. Apparently dad couldn’t convince mom of “Sandy”. Your first memory of this baby is him spilling something (there is a debate between mom and I on what he spills) in the apartment kitchen. And that pretty much sets the tone.

But, I’ll tell you why this is going to work out. First, you are going to grow up socially awkward and thats ok, but you need a brother to challenge you, help you and debate you (and God knows he will debate). You would not have thrived as an only child, period.

Second, brothers, when they are not tormenting you, can be playmates. You’ll need someone to play office with at grandma’s house. Build cities out of legos and lives out of lil’ peoples. You will have epic big wheel races down great grandma & grandpa’s driveway. Plus, someone who enjoys the classics, like Young Frankenstein, Clue, Back to the Future, Aladdin, Young Guns II and Ghostbusters.

Third and most importantly, having a brother is having someone who shares your life with you, it is a strange bond. You guys will see and experience a lot of the same things the first eighteen years of life. And when you are older, you will actually talk to each other like humans and argue without it ending in all-out wrestling matches (which will happen and you will get your ass beat until your final match). You will see how similar you guys are and how extremely different too. He is a unique soul, a true one-of-a-kind. You will realize that when you got the news thirty years ago that you were going to be a big sister that it did change your life and you wouldn’t want it any other way.

Love,
Wise & witty 31-year-old-me

They were always over to my grandparents house when I was young. I have very distinct memories of trying very hard to avoid Kenny’s slobbery kisses. He also was the first one to do “got-your-nose” to me. After Kenny passed Mary would still come over and there was a time that every Saturday Nick and I would go to church with Grandma, Grandpa, Mary and Rick on Saturdays and eat dinner afterwards. Other than the church part, it was one of the best times of the week. I knew how truly special it was. Mary would also join other family occasions including celebrating hers and JD’s birthday. She was just like another grandmother.

My great aunt Mary passed away yesterday. I was so fortunate to have known such a special, sweet and kind woman. And under strange circumstances she died within 24 hours of her brother Wayne, who I did not know very well.